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Conversation with God

Conversation with God
August 15, 2006 facter

I had a conversation with god, and I am disappointed.

Me:
i want to know if gerbils have souls
God:
There exist gerbils.
Me:
yes, but do they have souls? is there a god of gerbils, or is god god of all things, gerbils and pvc piping included?
God:
Woe! Who are “they” again? I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
they meaning the gerbils. so you are saying that there isnt just ONe god, there are many? including a god of gerbils?
God:
Who does “they” refer to? Interesting deduction. Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear? Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
They are gerbils! Wow. you just destroyed every maxim of christianity. god has admitted that he is not THE god, jsut A god. Europe is a shithole, and you know it.
God:
gerbils are they. I’m glad your impressed, . That’s good information: said I destroyed every maxim of christianity. I am a Christian. I think Europe is more than that.
Me:
Yes, they certainly are. so God is a Christian, you believe that Christ is your god? But you are God? Europe is not more than that, and you know it. Nuke it til it glows.
God:
Hurrah! Since when? Far out. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a Christian me believe that Christ is my god. Yup. That’s me alright. What is Europe? Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Since when are Gerbils “they”? Well, since the english language was created. So Christ wasnt a Christian. Okay. He was a Jew, I Agree – but you worship Christ, correct? how can God worship anyone? Are you the same as Europe? yes, I believe so – you are both shit.
God:
How do you know? Interesting. How do you know? Pardon me? Jesus died for our sins. OK with me too. When was he? A lot of hard work. Yes I am the one and only as Europe. What countries have you visited? Just because you believe it doesn’t make it true.
Me:
so now god claims he is europe. get it together, are you god or europe?
God:
Come on. Why now? I am a Christian. Where can I get it together am I god or europe?
Me:
you can usually get it together in a whorehouse for a fee. Theres a girl called Mary in there whose a bit of a whore, pay he ten bucks and you can have your own Christ-child. As I said, how can God be a Christian when he is GOD, you dont worship anyone!
God:
No I don’t think I can do it. That is something I did not know before. A lot of hard work.
Me:
whores? you bet they’re a lot of hard work God. You didnt know that? I thought God knew everything? so, you really are not God?
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn’t worry myself about that. Tell me more. What makes you think I did not know that? Whatever gave you that idea? Interesting deduction. Really? That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
because you are the kind of ghuy who couldnt even score a root in a brothel. You are not God, are you?
God:
Good reason. Thanks but surely I am not the only one. You don’t know me well enough to say that.
Me:
that you cant get a root?
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
plain truth
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Neither. I like porn about angels having tentacle sex with dolphins.
God:
It goes without saying. Are you serious? I’m not sure if I like it. Do you like it? I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
I dont think i’ve seen any porn with harps – can you msn me some
God:
Have you ever had seen any porn with harps can me msn you some ?
Me:
no I havnt, I thought you had some
God:
Are you serious? That is interesting: said havnt he or she thought you had some.
Me:
stop fuckign with me – do you have any harp porn or not!
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me:
DO YOU HAVE ANY HARP PORN GOD?
God:
No I don’t have it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
shit.