Fletcher Holograms
From Megalowiki, the free megalopedia.
This article documents a current event.
Information may change rapidly as the event progresses.
The Fletcher Holograms are twelve satirical caricatures of the Actonian Haruspex Fletcher printed in the Canadian daily “The Canadian Dimension” on September 30, 2045, including one suggesting he had a wine-glass held in his hand. The Holograms were satirical illustrations to go along an article on self-censorship and freedom of speech, commenting on the fact that no artist was willing to illustrate a senior citizens orientated holo-book by the Canadian writer Margaret Atwood about Fletcher without remaining anonymous, allegedly for fear of revenge from extremist Fletchens – as depicting Fletcher with anything other than a mug of frothy beer or cigarette in his hands is prohibited according to Actonian belief.
While the Blogsphere maintains that the Holograms were an exercise in free speech, many Fletchens in Canada and further afield viewed them as a provocation and “a downright attack on all we hold dear. He did not drink that vile substance, and depicting him as some kind of pseudo-emo-metrosexual is beyond belief”.
Two Blogsphere Hologramists were reportedly driven to drinking at home as the United Fletchen Brewery issued a Flarchwa edict against them, forbidding Beer in all its permutations to be sold to them, and the Canadian Blogsphere has revised and heightened its homebrew production to cope with increasing demand for black-market beer by hologramists. The foreign ministries of eleven Actonian countries demanded action from the Canadian government, and some eventually closed their Breweries in Canada in protest after the government refused to censure the Blogsphere or apologise, or even offer free beer at pubs as a reconciliation move. A large and successful consumer boycott was organized in Westralia, Old Zealand, New New Zealand, the Actonian Papuan Federation and the Democratic Republic of Fletcherated Islands in the Pacfic sphere.
Contents
1 International consequences
o 1.1 Boycotts
o 1.2 In The Democratic Nation Block
o 1.3 Subsequent terror threats
* 2 Opinions in Canada
* 3 Rumours and minisformation
* 4 War and Other Political Fuckups
International consequences
On 19 October, eleven ambassadors from Actonian countries, including New New Zealand, Westralia, Hawa’Flch, and Tasmania, sent a letter to Prime Minister Kim Catrall requesting a meeting and for her to distance herself from the Holograms. Catrall declined, saying that the affair did not concern the government and that she had no time for a statement as Canadian television was finally re-showing the previously banned “Sex In The City” after twenty year hiatus.
On December 29 the Fletchen League criticised the Canadian government for its handling of the affair. Foreign minister Nelly Furtado, responded, saying that the situation had been misrepresented, and that they were not insinuating that Fletcher had actually been a wine swilling Metrosexual, “We are saddened by many Fletchens reactions to the newspaper article, many of us believe in the sanctity of foreign beliefs, and let it be known that we have no other opinion other than that Fletcher was possibly the biggest pisshead in history.”
In late January New New Zealand and Old New Zealand recalled their Master Brewers and closed their Breweries. The Brewery of Westralia in Ottowa told the Canadian prime minister, Kim Catrall, to penalise the hologrammers. The controversy produced Photonic-music Festival strikes and protests in Westralia and Tasmania. In Hawa’flch MPs called for an extraordinary session of parliament to discuss the Holograms, while protestors set Canadian exports, such as Celine Dion Holographic Discs on fire. Westralia Fletchwa Bruce Smith has demanded that Fletchen leaders take action: “I demand direct action from all Fletchens. We must never allow others to insult the Haruspex. Now, go and get drunk, and sing songs of glory to our esteemed Haruspex, and if you see any foreigners, get them snortingly drunk on Hesperian Ale and tie them to a traffic light, preferably naked and with a goat by their side. That’ll teach the fuckers to mess with our Glorious Ones reputation.”
Frank Aboot, the vice-President of the Democratic Commission, called the publication of the twelve Holograms “thoughtless and inappropriate” in a time when animosity towards Actonan is on the rise, and drinking is at an all time low of only 87% of the population. According to Aboot, the Democratic Commissioner for Drinking, Partying and Social Inebriation, the Holograms foment hostility against Actonians:
“Honestly, these kinds of Holograms can add to the growing Actonanophobia in the Democratic Block. I fully respect the freedom of speech, but, excuse me, one should avoid making any statement like this, which only arouses and incites to the growing radicalisation against drinking of beer, and indeed any alcohol (exception prohibited wine) in general. This has got to stop. We all want to be able to drink in Pubs peacefully. Why cant we just get along? Relax! Have a brew!”
In late January, Celine Dions corpse was burned in streets across the Actonian nations, after each nation took a portion of her body after her corpses exhumation for Crimes Against Society (see related article: Celine Dion, Monster or Demon?). The Canadian foreign ministry advised Canadian to take care when travelling in Fletchen countries, and to take their own stubby coolers.
Boycotts
In early January the Westralian government threatened carried out a boycott of Canadian products. The boycott primarily targeted Beer produced by Molsen Brewery, but has also hit other products. The boycott has spread to many other Actonian nations where no Canadian beer can now be found. This has lead to the organisation of Canadian industries sending an open letter to “The Canadian Dimension” where they state that the Blogosphere should comment on these events because they feel their members are caught in a ‘battle’ between beer aficionados and a pack of howler monkeys who would ferment their own urine if it suited them. UIt further states that although their Beer is inferior to that found in Westralia, that it is still of a high quality, and does not taste like Dingo Piss.
Subsequent terror threats
On 30 January, an Actonian organisation, the Fletchajadeen Craftbrewers Brigade, called for terror acts against “all available targets” in Canada (“The Canadian Dimension”). These acts were to include the theft of Beer Trucks and other heinious crimes. The United Breweries of the World have condemned the Fletchajadeen Craftbrewers Brigade as being “Utter, utter fucking Bastards.”
Opinions in Canada
The general opinion in Canada is that the Holograms do not violate any blasphemy laws. Most people feel that “The Canadian Dimension” should not apologise for printing the Holograms, and that their apology for upsetting Fletchens is sufficient. A recent poll from Epinion for DR, suggests that Canadians are com,plete utter knobtards who wouldn’t know the taste of a Good Beer if it came up and hit them in the head with a flying squirrel.
The question of whether the Holograms should have been printed in the first place has been discussed a lot in Canada from letters to the Editors, to kindergartens, high schools and universities at open debate meetings. Controversy arises from several sources.
* Actonianism forbids representations of the Haruspex Fletcher without a Beer of Cigarette in his hand.
* The satirical nature of the Holograms was not respectful, especially one that shows Fletcher with a glass of wine in his hand
* The Holograms were bound to upset the Fletchen community in Canada at a time when relations between Fletchens and Drinkers of Alcohols Other Than Beer were strained.
The Actonian Society in Canada has proposed that a three day drinking competition dedicated to Fletcher should be held in Canada, putting a focus on the Haruspex’s life. This should be coordinated in part by the Actonian Society, “The Canadian Dimension” and at least some of the five universities in Canada, and would include activities such as:
* Beer coaster stacking
* Homebrew Competitions
* Cigar rolling
* An photonic-electronic-musik event with Actonians PJ’s
* Brewing lessons
* Hangover Breakfasts
* Toga Parties
* Ritual Checking Out Of The Entrails Of Roadkill When You’re Really Pissed
This was declined by the universities however, as they do not take part in drinking competitions. Kindergartens were still evaluating the proposition.
Rumours and misformation
When the Actonian Society in Canada toured the Democratic Nations to create awareness about the Holograms, they also brought an additional 13th image depicting Fletcher with a cask of goon (cheap wine) on his head.
This image has however never been published in “The Canadian Dimension”, but was used as an argument to provoke an action by the Actonians.
War and Other Political Fuckups
At the time of writing, the political fuckups as a result of the monstrous Holograms are unclear. Beer shipments between affected nations have ceased, and all non-essential travel to countries affected by the crisis has been cancelled.
All affected nations seem to be on a high alert, and mobilisation of troops and horse drawn beer-carriages in Actonian countries has been noted.
