I said hello, you fool.

I love you.

Come join the joyride -

and w’re crusin at around a hundred n fkn forty – right down the freeway, right past all the exits, right past Karrinyup and Warwick and Beach and all that other shit and we’re flying as fast as we can get, headin to the end of the line – as far the fuck up as we can make it.

“This aint fkn cruisin music ya cunt!” im squeelin, and Rods got his hair all dirty brown and lush stuck together with some kinda fkn wax n shit, all tossed up like that perv dude on BB – but Rods hot, ya know? Fkn hotter than Occy.

“Whatcha wanna hear then ya bitch!” and he’s reachin over, hardly fkn lookin at the road, reachin between me fkn legs and shit. Lookin for his cds n shit I reckon, but his hands all brushed up against me fkn thigh, ya know? Like hes wanting ta tocuh me fkn muff. Im getting fkn toey just thinkin bout it and forget his question.

“Oi! Whatcah wanna fkn hear then! What! Ya dont like any fkn roxette!?” and i know the dumb cunts jokin, its just on the radio – I think we’re listenin to 96fm or some other oldie shit, id rathe be listenin ta fkn Nova but Nath aint on anyways so whats the point? Hes a funny cunt that Nath, but whats this shit I hear bout him being gay n shit? NAh way man! I missed that fkn season aye, but I dont reckoin he is! e’s too fkn hot yeah!

“Nah! This shits fkn fer tossers mayte! Oi, why dont you put on some RAGE MAN! YEah! Ya got some o that! YEAH!”

and Man, we’re gunna hit that fkn exit soon. We’re all spazzed out and shit. We grabbed some stick aye, an we’re heaidn to the bottle-o – I reckon we’ll grab some Bundy or some shit, but he says hes takin me to some spcial place. Im not really caring, we’d left the fkn Shed earlier, and man – I reckon we’re borth pretty pissed as we’re throwin the car up the road, and all that moolight n shits coming through the sky, and I reckon mate, I reckon we’re gunna fkn go it hey – but I cant look like a slut mate, no way – i cant just open my fuckin legs to any blokes picked me up – but

he turns the fukin raido off, and puts some rage on -

“KILLIN IN THA NAME OF!” and we’re hitting OCean Reef Road, and my heads flailin, its all out and shit and its messed up but shit aye, I dont care – im throwin an I’ve got me fkn fingers out in front of me all the while slayer style and Rods fuckin rapping away – man, that boy can fukin belt it out aye Got a fuckin talent! HE told me earlier that he always want’d ta be a fkn rapper aye. That he recorded some shit – says he’ll give me a listen to some of the stuff he did with his old high school thrash band – but yeah man, i can see where that fkn talents comin from as we’re turning off and RAge is all like in our fuckin ears and WWWOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEE man fuck man that shit we had before was great! Fark!

.. and we’re not curising, and the Roxettes a fkn memory man – like, its gone all out and we’re crossing into tracks like Bullet in the Fuckin hEAd and like Bulls on Parade and shit man as we’re heading towards the lgihts and we’re fkn stopping. I grab the fkn left overs of the cask that I bought in me fkn handbags, and im slogging it down as its smashing out the mega-woofer thingy that Rods got covering the back of his Holden -

They don’t gotta burn tha books they just remove ’em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as tha cells
Rally round tha family, pockets full of shells
Rally round tha family
With pockets full of shells
Bulls on FUCKIN PARADE MOTHER FUCKERS

I’m screamin and Rods screaming, and we hear this cunt out the windows as the lgihts all red goin

“YEah, shut the fuck up ya fkn bogans” and theres these cunts there, and their listenin to that tosser shit, thats fkn techno crap or whatever

“YEAH FUCK YOUSE YA FKN CUNTS!” im screaming, and Rods all like “Yeah man, FUCK YOUSE AYE”

and those cunts are laughing, but they dont laugh too long coz Rods, oh man – what a fkn man aye – seriously, like, I dont know wahts gunna happen but I reckon, yeh..I reckon fuck – i hope i got some fuckin frangers somewhere or he does or some shit, but me eyes are a bit fuckin blurry and shit – and there s fkn Rod man! Fkn one o those fkn lock things in his hand and hes fuckin like attacking their fuckin car

YEAH YA CUNTS TAKE THAT and hahahahahaha. They shit themselves aye! They just take off, oh, and yeah, the fukn lgihts green and Rods jumpin back in and hes all like

“Yeah, we should fkn get aye! Yeah guckin stupid raver cunts! FUCKIN CUNTS”hes screamin

and. You know, when ya meet a guy in a fkn pub and like, you just wanna bang the fuck outta him, and ya get all moist and shit between the legs? I reckon thats what happened when I saw him. He grabbed me fkn arse while Iw as dancing and i was gunna slap the cunt but I turned around and yeah, there he is – and his hand was still fukint here! Man, anyway, it was real fuckin hot and shit aye.

So we stop at the servoe up fkn ocean reef and theres a maccas there – im fangin for a piss so i go in, and im droppin me knickers and shit, but i need to do a shit too so i take this shit mate, and I you know..im getting all horney, and im wondering – farrrrkk, is it bad if im takin a shit and like, start fingerin myself? What if I did! Wonder if these cunts got any fkn cameras in there and im all

“OI YOU CUNTS WATCHINT HE CAMERAS GET A LOAD OF THIS AYYE” so i finger me fuckin self and take a shit at the same time! Ha! fuck youse ya mcdonald cunts! And i wipe me fkn arse and go back out to the car, and shit the wines going fkn well and theres Rod with his little fkn smile, and hes on his phone and hes all liek – “Yeah Wozza, no worries man…yeah, oi, yeah…nah she hot man ….oi, yeah? Nah. Yeah. Heh heh. YEah, nah I got em. Nah, its all done n shit man, ang on, i gotta go woz, i’ll see ya in a tick…”

and im like, “Oi! We’re going to the beahc yeah! Just us too! None o yer cunt friends or whoever the fuck they are!” and hes all like

“Naahhhh. I meant I’d catch em later! Oi, here, have some fuckin coke aye. Yeah, nah, jsut have a little bit of coke ” and im, “Nah mate, I got me fuckin wine aye! Dont wannanye” but hey, i drink some anyways, coz I reckon hes put some fkn Bundy in it fromt hat half empty bottle underthe carseat, and he has – so MAN I swig that shit right down.,…

So we’re …you know..heading down to the..beach and shit. and like, im

“Aye Rod, yo, man, that tasted fkn shit AYEE, even worse than the goon, waht the fuck you put int here, fkn JACKS?” anhaha, and im laughing coz it tastes all crap an shit,.

..and we’re cruising again, right up the fkn road to go tot he beach. And Im there, theres this car besides us and Im so pissed and I lean outta the window as we’re passing this old lady shit with these little kids and im flashing my tits at her and YEAHHH hahahaha, getta load o them…and

we’re getiting..nearer to the beach. Im all like …

“Yeah, oi, Rod…” and I grab his cock while we’re driving and

im like “yeah, oi..im not a slut but hey, you gotta good cock aye and…”

im sitting there int he car seat and im reachint o get my fkn…where the fuck what the fuck was it that…oh yeh, the goon amn

and i see the coean and we’re puloon

up intot he carparkand yeou knepo9ow im tryinfg to see and inm deiding fkn i jaist wannta frab his cokcsa

but, yeah, im fleelina litle fknb wastedaye ayee nad

hesads getinon outa the cara

‘oi whatttyouusse doinnnnn”

and

there like hiss …

maewes thweer and

yeh

they”’three of em? oi whothefkryouse?
tkn me fkn

oi!

tkn me fkkn…

clrothess offff OI cuntsdawhatsudooin

n they..huh?

amn

somthtinsa
smthinsrong

wrong….

I wake in the morning.

Im on the beach.

I cant find my top but im on the beach.

I cant remember a FUCKING thing.

I.cant.remember.a…thing…

Thats when it begins to hurt.